I lost my mom in August.
Our relationship was good, solid. We had a conversation about funeral services, cremation, and her wishes before we even knew she had cancer, as though a higher power was preparing us. I said goodbye to her, told her what a good Mom she'd been and how much I loved her. Sat by her side as she took her last breath. And I'm okay with her passing. I know she's in a better place with no pain. She lived a nurturing life. Loved her family. Left us all quilts and paintings she crafted with her own hands.
I feel at peace, knowing she's at peace.
But I still miss her.
Last night my DD had a dream about my mom. She dreamed my mom was sick and they both knew it so she said her goodbyes.
When she told me about the dream, I cried.
I'm glad they got to say goodbye.
I love you, Mom. I miss you like crazy.
4 comments:
Losing a mom is hard. I still miss mine. There are days I think, wouldn't she be proud of her grandkids, wonder what she'd think of my writing.
You will always think about her, but she is in a better place. It was hard watching my mom go downhill after they diagnosed the cancer. She didn't want the treatments, but went through them for my dad. That was mom - unselfish even to the end.
She would get gift certificates to the only women's clothing store in the county for a Christmas bonus from the Doctor's office where she worked. She always took me in and bought clothes for me. Saying there was no sense wasting it on clothes she would never wear. She was either in her nurse's uniforms or work clothes.
There are days, I hope I stand up to her precedent.
Thanks for sharing that, Paty.
What's funny is I never wanted to be like my mom -- why is that? Girl's cringe if they start acting/talking/looking like their mothers, yet it's a proud day when a son becomes like his father? -- but now that Mom is gone, I feel proud to look at my hands and see her hands. I hear myself saying things she would have said, and I don't shrink from it. I have a deeper understanding of who she was and what she went through in her life. And the main character in the book I'm working on is a tribute to her. Dianne is a young version of Mom in many ways.
When I realized it was happening as I wrote the character, I fought it. But then I decided it was okay to give the heroine a sort of old-fashinoned name and just go for it.
If I sell this book, it will be a wonderful way to share a bit of my mom with others. If I don't sell it, it's still been sort of a journey with my mother. A way to explore some of what she may have felt in times of stress, love, motherhood, grief.
It's a journey worth more that a thousand words. Or in this case, more than a hundred-thousand words!
I'm sure your mom would be proud of this tribute!
I hope so. But yes, I think you're right. Mom was proud of me -- of all her children. The most powerful thing she always told us?
"You can do anything you put your mind to."
Now that's empowering. And you know what? She was right.
Thanks, Mom. Hope you don't mind if I pass that power on to my children.
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